The Bread

SCENE OPENS:
[The scene opens on a detective and shop girl making small talk in a bakery. A maid browses the bread on the opposite side of the store.]
MAID
Oh yes, this will do nicely! [Lifts the bread, inspecting it, then places it in the basket on her arm and dashes out of the store]
SHOP GIRL
[Screeching] THEIF! THEIF!
DETECTIVE
[Turning around just in time to see the maid leave] Well, she’s gone. But I can help you file a report if you’d like.
SHOP GIRL
[Indignant] Why don’t you just chase after her?
DETECTIVE
[Pulling out a pencil and notebook] Ma’am, I’m a detective, not a cop. I don’t do that running thing. Now, about that report.
[The maid stands in the alleyway, listening to the shop girl explain the theft to the detective]
MAID
[Pacing the alley] No, I can’t get caught. If I go to jail, who is going to feed my children? I must make sure that I don’t get caught.
DETECTIVE
[Closing the notebook and putting away her pencil] Well, I think I have all I need. I’ll go file this report right now, and a cop will come help you soon. [Exits the stage]
MAID
I know what I must do! [Walks back into the shop]
SHOP GIRL
You’re back! Planning to steal more bread? I’ll just call that detective back! [Reaches toward her pocket to grab her cell phone]
MAID
[Stepping toward the girl] Oh, there’s no need for that. [Slides scarf off her neck and plays with it]
SHOP GIRL
Why do you say tha-
MAID
[Wraps her scarf around the shop girl’s neck, quickly strangling her.] That’s why. [Unwraps her scarf, dropping it in her basket, dragging the girl offstage before returning to pick up her basket before dashing out of the store.]
DETECTIVE
[Walking back into the shop.] Ma’am, I have a few more questions before I file that report. [Looking around, puzzled] Ma’am? Store keeper? [Seeing her shoe and picking it up] Why would her shoe be here? Unless, of course…She’s dead! I must find her murderer. [Starts inspecting the scene, taking notes]
STUDENT
[Poking her head into the shop] Excuse me? I – I know who killed that shop girl. I watched it happen.
DETECTIVE
Oh really now? What do you know?
STUDENT
Well, I was standing across the street, taking notes on the building’s architecture for a class of mine. [Holds up a book] When suddenly, a woman in a maid’s outfit came running out of the store and I heard people shouting about her being a thief.
DETECTIVE
I know that! I was there. Quit wasting my time. [Waves the student away]
STUDENT
Wait, wait. There’s more…After you left, the maid came back in and……Well, I heard a scream. I think she killed the shop girl! Actually, no. I know she killed her. I saw her drag the body into that alleyway just before you came.
DETECTIVE
Well, she’s obviously not there anymore, so I’ll just go file this report and get some back-up to help me canvas the area.
STUDENT
What? You’re not even going to check the alley?
DETECTIVE
Ma’am, I’m a detective, not a CSI. I don’t do the ‘possible’ crime scenes thing. Now, I’m going to file this report. [Leaves]
STUDENT
[Wandering around shop] She didn’t say that I should go, but at the same time, I don’t know what else she’d need from me. But maybe I should stay. This is a cute little shop anyway. Yes, I’ll stay here. But I’m so hungry, no one will notice if I eat this bread though. [Reaches toward bread]
MAID
[Slipping into store while student is talking to herself, creeping up behind the student and slicing her throat] She was going to get the cheap bread, anyway. Ugh, she got blood all over me! I should go wash up. [Drops the student on the floor and wipes her hands on her apron and walks toward the back to pick up a washcloth]
DETECTIVE
[Walking back into the shop] Girl, are you still here? I realized I didn’t get everything I needed for that report. [Sees the bloody maid] You! I’ve caught you red-handed this time. You’re going to jail for one count of theft and two of murder.
MAID
Oh, alright, I suppose. But first, I insist that you try this bread, it’s phenomenal. [Slices the bread and pulls out a small bottle of arsenic]
DETECTIVE
Well I am hungry. Go ahead and give me a slice. Wait, what’s that you’re putting on it?
MAID
Oh, it’s just my own oil and vinegar combination, it tastes great, especially on this bread. [Holds the slice out to the detective]
DETECTIVE
[Takes the bread and takes a bite] Wait, that’s not oil and vinegar. That’s – [Falls over, dead]
MAID
[Steps over the detective and walks out of the store, laughing maniacally]
THE END